Missing my Unborn Child

Lately, I've been getting so emotional, and I think it's because I'm getting close to what would of been our babies due date, November 11, 2015. I had both of my girls 4 weeks before their due date. If I wouldn't have lost our baby, I think he would have been born already. So that makes me feel sad, upset, depressed. People keep telling me it gets easier, but I don't think so. Just because our baby wasn't born, doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to be talked about. I thank God every day for my two healthy girls, but then I get mad at him, because he took something from me, or should I say someone. I know I wasn't emotionally ready for another child, but that doesn't mean I would've loved him any less. I really hate when people tell me everything happens for a reason, but at the same time I believe it. One day, if God decides to send him back to us, It wouldn’t be a bad thing.. 

I'm Back

I apologize for being away the last few weeks, but it was due to major yet exciting changes in our lives. For starters, my husband was offered a position in a different company and he took it! He is such a hardworking man, and I know he will accomplish great things. The company has him working in San Jose, which is a bit of a drive down there from us, but at least they provided a company vehicle for him to use. He’s been there two weeks and already loves it. He works Monday-Friday with weekends off, just perfect isn’t it?? More family time, more fun with our girls.

I’ve also started my own business. Who would have thought, me, a business women?? Everything starts small, so this is me starting small, hopefully one day get big. As you may already know, I love to crochet, thanks to a friend of mine, so why not sell my work? Why not make money doing something I enjoy. My business is called “Moma B Crochet,” catchy isn’t it? Crocheting started off as a hobby, making things for my girls but now making things for others too. Check out my facebook page HERE, thanks.

Another new thing that happened to me, I’ve started blogging for another site. I give moms advice and share my personal experiences. I absolutely love it. Knowing I can make a difference, even if it’s through a computer screen, makes me happy. I look forward to keep my readers updated on a weekly basis, thanks for reading!

Daddy's Point of View

So my Labor Day weekend went fantastic I told my girls that I had 3 days off and they had this flamboyant look on their face. On Sunday we didn’t do much. We relaxed at home most of the day, watched movies and played a few games. I really never knew how energetic Jade was until we were playing gorilla mode (I’m playing the gorilla) for about 2 hours straight. We had our lunch and continued playing. On Monday we all woke up pretty early. Once we got up we brushed our teeth got ready and went to the park. As soon as we got to the park Annabelle ran directly to the swings, the last time I check Annabelle was afraid of the swing. She was yelling DA DA DA and started pointing at the swings. I was excited myself because she was excited and ready for the swings. Jade was riding the swings too, she was telling me “daddy I can swing by myself, I’m a big girl now”. When we got done playing with the swings we all ran around the jungle gym. I was acting like a gorilla and chasing them like I was a maniac. I told Jade and Annabelle that the gorilla is going to hang upside down from the monkey bars, so I showed them. They were laughing pointing at me and showing a lot of excitement, at that point I knew they have missed me a lot. On Tuesday as soon as the kiddos woke up they were already asking for breakfast. They ate some cereal and also some sopita (Mexican tomato soup). From there we relaxed for a little bit, I promised Jade and Annabelle that I would take them swimming today. So they were bugging me about it all morning. Jade has a great memory, anything you promise her she will remember until that promise has been taking care of. We ended up going swimming for about an hour. Jade was doing the same as usual (acting crazy) by diving under water, jumping into the pool, and holding her breath under water. Annabelle loves to swim, she likes to be independent and tries to do things on her own. I was helping Annabelle to try and swim on her own, but she wanted me to let her go. She loves to stick her head under water and paddle her feet. After we got done swimming we went back home and relaxed. Now that I have to go back to work tomorrow it’s going to suck because I’ve missed my kiddos so much. I have to give it up to my beautiful wife for raising such wonderful and energetic kids. A big thumbs up mommy, I really didn’t believe playing with my kids were going to get me tired but man I was exhausted this weekend. I love you Annabelle and Jade. I really appreciate the work my wonderful wife has done and continues to do. 

Our Weekend Review {9/4-9/6}

Today I woke up with lots of energy. It's 8 am and mt girls are still sleeping. So what do I do, poke their eyes and pick their noses, just like they do to wake me up. Yes they are up now. Time for breakfast, ham and eggs with toast. My girls wanted to color after so we sat on the living room floor and colored  for about an hour. Ok, now time to clean the house. 

The girls room was super messy, thanks Annabelle!! She thinks its funny to dump all the toys out of the storage boxes. It took a good 30 minutes to clean up, and stayed clean for 5 minutes! Ok girls, I give up, next time you girls are cleaning up alone. So as they now play in the mess they just made, I'm sitting in my comfy couch and starting to crochet some cute fingerless gloves. I'm getting really good at this pattern. 

After I finished the pair of gloves, I organized my papers that were stacked on the microwave. Looks so much better now without all the mess on top of it. Even moved my microwave from one counter to the other. I now have more room on my counter. Jade was on ABC Mouse while I did all this. She was on there for a while. Winning some more tickets. She loves it. Going to have to get her a laptop soon. Maybe for Christmas, we'll see. 

We played Lotteria, a Mexican game. I was teaching Jade to play, she's pretty good at it. Beat me 4 out 5 games. Annabelle on the other hand was just playing with the beans. I was teaching Jade how to say the pictures on the card in Spanish, since she only understand it not really speaks it. 

Daddy came home early tonight, girls were super happy. Wouldn't leave him alone in the shower. Had some yummy dinner while watching Home. After the movie the girls played with their daddy while momma relaxed a bit. Bed time, Jades knocked out, but again, Annabelle wanted to stay up and watch Dexter with me. Not like she pays attention anyway.

Dinner: Pork Chops with Broccoli Rice 

This time my girls woke me up poking my eyes and picking my nose. I guess they remember how I woke them up yesterday. Make some yummy sopita for breakfast. Annabelle watched some Sophia the First while Jade was ABC Mouse again. I love that she loves to learn. 

Again, cleaned up their room, lasted 10 minutes clean. Forget it. Off for momma to crochet. Today I made what started off as Annabelle's slippers to Jade's slippers. I made them a little too big for Annabelle but just the right size for Jade. She loves them. Annabelle, of course was upset because she wanted them. So I'll be making some for her tomorrow. 

Today was a chill day. Girls played in their room, then in the kitchen, then to the  living room. I guess you can say the whole house is their play area huh. I started to crochet my little sister birthday present, but didn't have enough yarn, so pause that project. I also crocheted a pair of slippers for Jade. Super cute! 

A friend of mine encouraged me to start selling some of my work. I have my first order: 3 beanies, 3 pairs of slippers and a phone case cover. Super excited to start yet another journey. If anyone is interested, just contact me on the contact form. 

Daddy's home now with some pizza. Girls ran to him, kissed him, then took the box away. I guess they're hungry.. Even though they had just ate.. They never stop eating!! One slice of pizza with 2 bread sticks each. Dang my girls can eat!! 

All done eating, and they are wild! Daddy is being a gorilla scaring Annabelle while Jade is on his back. I love watching them play with their daddy. He has the next few days off! I told the girls daddy doesn't have to go back to work until Wednesday and man they are happy! 

Dinner: Pizza with Bread Sticks

Annabelle was up all night nursing.. I couldn't get comfortable, my arms were squished. I was cramping all night, I hate when mother nature comes for a visit. Girls had some eggs with rice for breakfast with their daddy and I had some sopita. They are now watching Home again for the 100th time! 

I started crocheting Annabelle a crown, came out really nice. Might added it to my Crochet page to sell them. Jade loved it so now have to make another one. After crocheting we played some games, had quiet time. The girls played in their room. I was very irritated at one point, so I took a long shower. It helped. 

Overall, our way was relaxing and lazy. We were in lazy mode all day. Now the kids are off to bed. Annabelle fell asleep late, around 10ish. I stayed up watching Dexter. Goodnight!

Dinner:  Chicken Quesadillas

Our Weekend Review {8/28-8/30}

Our morning started off pretty rocky. Made my girls some breakfast, but Annabelle refused to sit down and eat. Jade, being the big sister, was chasing after her to get her to sit down and eat. Well, that didn't work out too good. Annabelle just kept smacking her in the face, which resulted in a time out for a minute in a half. Finally they both finished eating. They watched cartoons as I cleaned up the kitchen.

Off to my doctors appointment for a check up. The girls were super crazy, not staying still, playing with everything. Annabelle thought we were there for her so she started screaming when we got called in.  Breastfeeding Annabelle while talking to my new doctor. She didnt let the doctor do a breast exam. Finally got prescribed birth control! Couldn't be any happier right now! Over all my visit when great, just have to come back Monday to do some blood work. Definitely coming childless! 

Got to the pharmacy to pick up Mine and Annabelles prescription. I picked up my birth control and Annabelle's iron medicine. Doctor said she is low on iron. It was very busy, and Jade was being so impatient. Finally they called my name, all done here. 

Home sweet home now with some yummy lunch and watching cartoons. After a while Annabelle finally took a nap. Time for momma to crochet! I made Annabelle a cute beanie with a bow. I made Jade a beanie with a flower yesterday so it was Annabelle's turn today. They are loving their new beanies. I love having these two hours to myself, just relaxing and crocheting.

                                                                                               

Daddy came home very late tonight, but the girls waited up for him. Played for about an hr then knocked out for the night. 

Dinner: Pizza hut (Wings, Pasta, Pizza)

Our morning started off slow, but relaxing. We slept until 9am, and it felt good. Made us some yummy pancakes with eggs, super good. Cleaning up the house, but give it ten minutes and it'll be a mess again. That's the mommy life, never ending mess!

We sat on our living room floor, doing a big piece princess puzzle. Did it about four times because Annabelle kept stepping on the puzzle just as we were finishing up. Of course she thought it was hilarious! My silly girl. We did some story time, Jade made up a story just by looking at the pictures. Very smart girl. 

Annabelle is now down for a nap. Time for quiet time and this momma to crochet! Made a practice cell phone cover purse. Did a pretty dam good job! According to Jade, it is now her purse. She wanted to take silly pictures, so here you go! 

Watching my girls play in their room, such an imagination that they have. Hearing them have fun conversations. "No Jay no!" Annabelle screaming at her sissy. They play, the fight, but they always make up. Love them the pieces!

Daddy's home now, time to set the table. Dinner was perfect, girls ate all their food, as did their daddy. We all love this dish. After dinner, my girls took their bath, and got into their pj's. We played a bit, then off to bed. 

Dinner: Chicken Milenesa with Red Rice

My girls woke me up early this morning..Jade had to poop, Annabelle wanted food. Gave them some cereal, then got ready to go to target. Of course they want to take a long bath, so finally after an hour we were off to target.

I guess there was some sales going on at Target today because it was super busy there. Had my list ready in hand, going in and out just getting the things we need. Every time i come here i leave with things that i didn't need, but wanted. Well not today target! Diapers check, shampoo and conditioner check, body wash check, and deodorant check. Don't walk to the $5 and less section!! Ok we're out now. Time to go back home.

Cleaned up the house a bit, started laundry, made sandwiches for lunch. Lazy day today, so we just relaxed. Annabelle and daddy are now napping, and Jade is playing in her room. I can see she enjoys her alone time as much as I do. Watched some Dexter while crocheting again. Dexter has become my favorite show on Netflix, I'm obsessed! Most of the time I watch it after the girls go to bed but ones asleep and the other in in her room, so Dexter it is. 

Had some yummy dinner, the girls ate all their food. Sometimes its a struggle to get them to eat, but not tonight. After dinner we watched Ninja Turtle on Netflix, one of Jades favorites. Babe wanted to learn to crochet, so now teaching him to make a beanie. I love how hes trying to hard to get it right. It took him a while to get the yarn right around his fingers, but he got it. We both made beanies, and we look cute.

Getting the girls ready for bed now. Jade went down easy, but Annabelle is putting up a fight. Finally after an hour she fell sleep. Goodnight!

Dinner: Chicken Legs with White Rice

Our Weekend Review {8/21-8/23}

We got to the doctors office this morning and somehow Annabelle knew we were there for her. She needed to get blood work done. Last time we tried this, it didn't work out too good. They poked her on each arm. This time we went to a different location and I told them they are to try only once and if nothing comes out then that's it. Luck for us, they only did it once. I had to hold her down, my poor baby was screaming scared. It took me twenty minutes to get her calm after they were done. I hope we don't have to do that again for a while. 

Off to the park we go. I love watching my girls play together as I snap some pictures. Jade starts rock climbing so I go to help her. "No mommy I'm fine, I can do it." I love how she's so independent, but where did my little girl go? They grow up too fast.. But its ok, she didn't need my help to climb the rocks, but I know she'll need my help with other things. I can't help but think what she will be able to accomplish as she gets older. Wanting to do things herself.  

 

Annabelle on the other hand is now learning to be independent. Before, she would yell "mama, lp," (help). Now she's playing with her sister without my help. I constantly get asked why I let Annabelle go up the play structure by herself. Well, 1) encourage her to be independent, 2) if she falls, she knows to get back up, 3) I love watching her play. She's a very calm and smart little girl, if she gets herself stuck, she always finds a way to get herself unstuck. 

 

When Annabelle gets on the swing, she usually uses baby swing, but not today. Today she used the big one. It could be because Jade uses the big swing, but today it was different. Annabelle sometimes gets scared riding the swing, so it surprised me that she want to go on the big one. Well, I sat her down, but she was getting mad because I was holding her so she wouldn't fall. I knew then, sometimes I just have to let go, she's growing up.. 

Dinner: Shredded Chicken with Mac & Cheese

 Today I was finishing up my crocheting project. I made four coaster and pot holder. I'm getting pretty good at this crocheting stuff. We have a house warming party to go to later in the day and I knew our friends would love these. Our morning was chill and relaxing. The girls and I did some coloring, playing with dolls, watched "Home" about three times. I now know all the words to the movie by the way.

We were a little late to the house warming but glad we came at all. Nice to get out of the house and have some grown up talk. My girls made some new friends as did I. They played in the trampoline with the other kiddos while mommy had some wine with the other mommies. Daddy was chugging a few beers with the daddies, but we stayed a while so we were safe to drive. The other mommies were also stay at home moms, so we had some stories that related. Looks like we'll be having some play dates soon. 

  

Dinner: Spicy Pork Ribs with Rice

We had a really fun Sunday at Uncle Anara and Auntie Ashley's house today. Started off with a yummy bbq, then had fun in the sun with the kiddos playing in the back yard. My girls missed their cousins a lot. The daddy's were i  the back yard while the mommies relax inside talking and catching up. 

 

Ashley and I have been friends for about four years. We've had our ups and downs but we got through our differences. I consider her one of my good friends. So today we talked a little about crocheting. She even taught  me how to make a sock which started out as a hat and I loved the out come. It's so nice to have a mommy friend with a lot in common. Gotta love my white girl! 

Jade and her cousin started dancing, and let me tell you, those kiddos have better moves than I do! My girls always have so much fun when we come over that they never want to go home. We spent almost the whole day there and the girls are now knocked out from all the fun they had. Thanks Kham family for having us over :)

 

Dinner: Hamburgers, Hot dogs, chips

Our Weekend Review {8/14-8/16}

Today was a semi busy day. Woke up, feed my girls, then off we went. Preschool tour for Jade, and she loved it. Loved it so much she didn't want to leave. She made a few new friends there too. Jade is so ready to start school, she's super excited. Momma just has to fill out paperwork! Jade is growing up too fast..

Kmart near our house! Lets go girls!! Jade needs clothes for her dance recital tomorrow. Black leggings, blue tank top, and white shirt. Annabelle got some new shoes, now a size three, tiny little feet. Only needed the clothes, came out with bags of snacks for the week.

Home sweet home now, and Annabelle's super cranky! Five minutes on the boob and she's down! Nap time for her, now Jade and I relaxing on the couch watching Teen Beach 2. She's dancing and singing, now I'm dancing and singing with her. Daddy's home!!!! Girls ran to hide so they can scare him. "Roaaar!!!!"

Dinner: Pizza with Cinnamon Bread Sticks 

Wake up!!! Dance recital time!!!! Yey, Ta, and Uncle Viyo are driving down from San Jose to see Jade dance. She's so excited. I crocheted her a blue hair bun cover for today, she loved it. Before the dance started, daddy had a talk with her. She said is didn't want to do it anymore because there are too many people staring.. Mama started getting nervous minutes before her classes turn. We told her, "just have fun ok." She went up there and did it! She stopped a few times, but that's ok. Daddy and I are proud of her for going up there and dancing. I would of been just as proud even if she stood there tapping her toes! Now that dance is over we will see what she will do next. Maybe soccer??

After the dance recital we went to have some lunch. Pho, on a very hot day, but man was it good! After lunch we went to the mini mall, walked a bit. Home now, girls went in the pool with their daddy, uncle, and yey. No pool for me, this momma needed a nap on the couch.

After swimming, our girls stayed home with yey and ta while mommy and daddy went to the movies. We went to watch "Straight Outta Compton," and let me tell you..this movie is not to kids! There we're so many parents with their kiddos there, being super loud and disturbing. Not only that, there was a lot of nudity in the movie. Come on "parents," find a babysitter! Anyhow.. Hubby and I had fun on our date. Haven't had one since we moved out here. Came home to see our girls playing outside with yey, waiting for us to get home. Now off to bed!

Dinner: Chop Chop (place near us)

Today was a lazy day. My in-laws decided to sleep in, but that was a no no for my girls. They woke up their yey, so she took them for a walk to 7/11. When they got back, we all went swimming again. The water was hot, so it wasn't too relaxing. Annabelle was getting mad because she wanted to swim by herself. Time for new floaters.  After my in-laws left to go back home, we went grocery shopping.

First we went to Mi Pueblo to get my Mexican needs.. Then we went to the Asian Market near our house. My girls love going there because they get to see all the live fish. Little do they know we eat those. They also like getting their Asian candy there. My little cambexicans!!

Dinner: Ceviche de Camaron, bomb! (Babe loves my ceviche!)

Back to being ME

Hello readers, I apologize for not keeping up with my blogging duties. I haven't been myself since the loss of our baby back in April. It was very hard on my family and myself, but now I am started be feel more like me. I promise to keep my blog up to date from now on. I hope you are looking forward to reading about my girls, myself and loving husband.

Unborn Child

I only got to see you once, and that was on a computer screen..
I heard your heart beat, it was so strong..
So what went wrong??? Why were you taken from us??

I feel robbed, confused, hurt, angry..
Robbed, from being your mother..
Confused, because just last two weeks ago I found out about you..
Hurt, because I can never hold you in my arms..
Angry, because my girls will never get to know you..

I'm trying to be strong for my girls and husband, but this is hard..
Hard for me to hold back these tears.. but I have to so my girls don't see me upset
Hard for me to just move on.. because it's not that easy
Hard for me to accept the fact that you're not going to be joining our us November 2015

Does this get any easier??
The emotional and physically pain.. I can't even explain
My heart hurts.. wondering about who you would of became.. how you would of looked.. acted..
My body hurts.. the pain of you coming out.. I wish things would of been different
I wish you were still here..in my belly..growing..getting ready to meet your big sisters

Everyone is telling me things happen for a reason, though I do believe that, I just cant comprehend why this is happening to me..to us..

Everyone is telling me not to blame myself, but who else is there to blame if not myself!! I hate myself for not protecting you like I should have. What did I do wrong?? Were you not ready to meet us just yet?? Or were we not ready to meet you??

I will always love you..
I will always remember you..
My unborn child..

Bye Bye Baby

Today I received one of the worst news a mother can hear.. Husband and I were so scared when we found out about you, but we loved you right away. Jade was so excited to have a little brother, but now she's left wondering why he left.. Went to the doctors office this morning, the look on the ultrasound technician face said it all.. Tears rolled down my face as she says "I need to consult Dr. Kilkenny."

The doctor comes in with a worried look on her face, I started crying heavily. She checks the baby, she can't hear the heart beat.. Baby's heart stopped yesterday she says.. I didn't even know to respond.. All I could do is cry.. I am in the process of having a miscarriage.. Husband is hugging me as we both cry..  Annabelle hugs me tight too, Jade asks me if baby brother is ok.. I can't help but cry even more, not knowing how to even explain to her that her little brother is no longer with us.. But with God in heaven..

I'm so sad this happened to our family, I can't help but think it's my fault.. I wish I could have done something differently, then maybe baby would still be here.. Mommy & Daddy will always love and remember you.. 

Thanks to My Wonderful Husband

This past weekend was great! My husband took vacation days from work, so he was off Thursday through Sunday. I worked both Wednesday through Friday this week and he was such a big help. Thursday he took them to Bounce O Rama. Jade was super excited, and Annabelle, well I was nervous for her. Annabelle is such a momma’s girl. Hubby said Annabelle did great without me, I was so relived. I worried for nothing. She usually cry’s if I’m not there with her, but she didn’t, and now I can do thing without her. I don’t mean to sound like I don’t like being around her, but sometimes I want mommy and daughter time with Jade. Hubby and the girls had a fun time without me and I’m perfectly fine with that. They need to spend alone time with Daddy too.

Friday I went into work for a few hours so daddy was with the girls. He fed them, bathe them, changed them. I have a hard time sometimes doing just one of those but he managed and did well. He put her down for her nap at nap time, surprised she didn’t put up a fight. The house was even clean when I got home! Another bonus! This husband of mine couldn’t be any more perfect. Yes he can! We went out on a double date later that night with his cousin and cousin’s wife. I had never been to K1 Speed, first time for everything. I was so nervous, I didn’t want to race anymore, but they made me! And I’m glad they did because it was AWESOME! Of course, Hubby didn’t let me win, he overlapped me. We then went to dinner at Chili’s. How nice it felt to have adult conversations without our kiddos needing our undivided attention. I felt like I was in heaven. The night ended great, picked up our girls at Aunt Ivonne’s (thanks Ivonne for watching the girls). The girls we’re already asleep, heck yea!

Saturday we took our girls to The Children’s Discovery Museum. Jade loves it there, and it was also Annabelle’s first time now that she can walk. We did some face painting on them first, they looked so cute and silly. Jade went off to make some friends but Annabelle took a while to warm up. Before we knew it, Annabelle was chasing after Jade. They we’re everywhere! From the Mammoth Exhibit, to the Multicultural Room, the Bubbles Room, Quiet Room, to the Water Room. We finished out in the garden, planting beautiful flowers. After the Discovery Museum we went to Lunch with my in laws. The girls had fun seeming their grandparents.  Hubby then dropped me off at my mother’s house, we made plans to go watch 50 Shades of Grey. Movies without the girls??? Yes please!!!! I can’t remember the last time I went to the movies childless. Well, the movie was, let’s just say I want to watch it again.  The night ended, I got picked up. Home sweet home, we got our girls ready for bed.

Sunday was our lazy day. Hubby made us a big breakfast, which was delicious. I did laundry, cleaned up the whole house. Took a quick trip to bed bath & beyond. Didn’t find what we we’re looking for. Came back home with Mexican Tacos, and Nachos for lunch. Movie day it was. Nice and relaxing. Thank you to my wonderful husband for everything you do for the girls and I. We love you very much.

Working Mom Update

I’ve now been working for two weeks and its going great. Jade has been taking it very well but Annabelle on the other hand, not so good. When I drop her off at my grandmother’s house or at my auntie’s house she doesn’t want me to leave. I kiss them both good bye and tell them ill see them later. Annabelle stares at me and the look she gives me makes me feel like the worst mother ever. The first few days were the hardest for both her and I. Annabelle refused to eat the whole time I was gone. I’m still breastfeeding her so it’s harder for her to only eat solids. I’ve pumped milk for her to drink in her Sippy cup but she refuses to drink it. She pretty much waits until I pick her up after work to eat. That’s about five hours without eating. I really hope it gets better soon. I hate knowing she’s not eating. I know us being apart is good for us but sometimes it sucks. I love my new job though. My boss is awesome and very understanding. I like going away for a few hours a day, have time for myself, some peace and quiet. I hope that doesn’t make me sound too horrible.

Bye Bye Baby Fat

I’ve recently started working out again. Though it’s very hard to do sometime because either Annabelle wants my boob, or Jade decides she wants me to play tea parties with her just as I’m warming up. I’ve tried the waking up before they do, yea that did not work! My husband would wake me up as he’s leaving for work and I refused to wake up. So now, I try to get Annabelle down for her afternoon nap and do it then. Jades starting to “work out” with me, but her definition of working out is having a dance party. I usually have my music on, so yea to her it is a dance party. I’m trying to get back into the habit of working out every day and not skipping days. So far so good. I’m down six pounds and extremely proud of myself. I don’t want to be that parent that takes her kids to the park and just sits her butt down on a bench because she’s too tired to play. Not saying I just sit there while they play, I play with them. I want to be more active with my girls. Annabelle can barely walk, but Jade can run for miles! It’s just a matter of time until Annabelle is right behind Jade and I’m right behind both of them. Not only am I wanting to get fit for my girls but also for myself. I feel beautiful already, but sometimes I feel like I don’t look beautiful. And I guess one way of looking beautiful is looking the way I want. I want to feel confident in my own skin. I will keep you all updated on my progress.

Stay at Home Mom to a Working Mom

I had an interview this past Monday, it went great. I felt so confident walking in. I felt confident during the interview. I was even more confident once the interview was done. Tuesday passed and still no phone call or email. I began to think I didn't get the job. Then today, in the process of helping my mom move into her new place my phone went off. I got an email saying the job was mine if I still wanted it. Of course I said yes!! The job sounds just great for me. It would start off as a part time, two or three days a week. I'm still breastfeeding Annabelle so I know this transition is going to be difficult. The hours are going to be mornings from 9am- 12ish. So the hours are good, very flexible. I'm so excited to start working but so nervous on leaving my girls. I've been a stay at home mom for 3 years now. So, this is going to be hard for me. I was talking to my husband about it, and I began to cry. I cried because I know how hard its going to be for Annabelle to be away from me. I know she'll be fine, but I'm not sure she's ready to be away from me yet. I mean, I'm ready to start work, but totally not ready to leave my girls. I feel like this is going to be good for us though. Ive been away from Jade before but never Annabelle. I'm excited to start this new journey.

Ranting blah blah blah

Letter me tell you something, for those people that think being a sahm(stay at home mom) is an easy task, it is not! Not that I am complaining, I love it. Being able to raise my girls the way I know and feel is right is a blessing. It just grinds my gears when people assume its a ride in the park. Some moms(sometimes dads), can not handle the being at home parent, and that's totally ok. Working moms work just as hard as SAHM. I've been a SaHM since I became pregnant with my first daughter, and my husband is ok with that. There are days that are so overwhelming, but worth it.