Unborn Child

I only got to see you once, and that was on a computer screen..
I heard your heart beat, it was so strong..
So what went wrong??? Why were you taken from us??

I feel robbed, confused, hurt, angry..
Robbed, from being your mother..
Confused, because just last two weeks ago I found out about you..
Hurt, because I can never hold you in my arms..
Angry, because my girls will never get to know you..

I'm trying to be strong for my girls and husband, but this is hard..
Hard for me to hold back these tears.. but I have to so my girls don't see me upset
Hard for me to just move on.. because it's not that easy
Hard for me to accept the fact that you're not going to be joining our us November 2015

Does this get any easier??
The emotional and physically pain.. I can't even explain
My heart hurts.. wondering about who you would of became.. how you would of looked.. acted..
My body hurts.. the pain of you coming out.. I wish things would of been different
I wish you were still here..in my belly..growing..getting ready to meet your big sisters

Everyone is telling me things happen for a reason, though I do believe that, I just cant comprehend why this is happening to me..to us..

Everyone is telling me not to blame myself, but who else is there to blame if not myself!! I hate myself for not protecting you like I should have. What did I do wrong?? Were you not ready to meet us just yet?? Or were we not ready to meet you??

I will always love you..
I will always remember you..
My unborn child..

Bye Bye Baby

Today I received one of the worst news a mother can hear.. Husband and I were so scared when we found out about you, but we loved you right away. Jade was so excited to have a little brother, but now she's left wondering why he left.. Went to the doctors office this morning, the look on the ultrasound technician face said it all.. Tears rolled down my face as she says "I need to consult Dr. Kilkenny."

The doctor comes in with a worried look on her face, I started crying heavily. She checks the baby, she can't hear the heart beat.. Baby's heart stopped yesterday she says.. I didn't even know to respond.. All I could do is cry.. I am in the process of having a miscarriage.. Husband is hugging me as we both cry..  Annabelle hugs me tight too, Jade asks me if baby brother is ok.. I can't help but cry even more, not knowing how to even explain to her that her little brother is no longer with us.. But with God in heaven..

I'm so sad this happened to our family, I can't help but think it's my fault.. I wish I could have done something differently, then maybe baby would still be here.. Mommy & Daddy will always love and remember you.. 

Its Offical, We are Moving !

My husband has been working very hard over the years, and he has been offered a management position. I am very proud of him, he totally deserves this! My hardworking husband. Of course, we talked about it for a few days, had to take a lot of things into consideration. For one, I don't want to have to quit my job, second, we would be relocating to Concord. I don't mind relocating though, it'll be good for us. We've been looking at houses in the Pittsburg area, very nice and cheaper than San Jose.


My main focus is finding a home with a good school district because Jade will be starting school soon. Ahhhh My daughter is almost a preschooler! She growing up too fast. So anyway, a good school district is a must, nice area, a park close by, totally need a Mexican market near us too! I'm not being too picky am I? Didn't think so. A momma needs these to function correctly.


I was able to talk to my boss today about husbands promotion and relocating. I was so nervous on telling her that I would have to quit. Buuuutttttt, the conversation went well! She told me she doesn't want to lose me as an assistant and that I can work from home. Of course I said hek yea! I was over joyed. I absolutely love my job, so for me to be able to keep it, and work from home was just awesome for me.


My husband and I are very excited for this new journey. I couldn't be more proud of him, proud of us. God is blessing us in so many ways, and we are very grateful.